my almost high school sweetheart

So I didn't like high school. Well, maybe I did. But I didn't like high school nearly as much I liked college. I always liked the school work, and I had some good friends--I guess it was the politics of high school I never liked. The popular and the not so popular..I made it by in high school.

One of the highlights of my senior year was a guy who was in my economics class. He was looking at some of the same colleges I was, and he was terribly funny. Shy.. quiet--but funny. He'd make snide comments in class under his breath so I could hear them and I would laugh--usually loudly.

He threw on the track & field team. I managed the girls team. He'd give me rides home from meets. I always had such a fun time when I was with him. Something about him put me at ease...made me forget my awkwardness. I found a journal entry from high school and one of the things on my list of things to do was to get him to pay attention to me.

So imagine my elation when one afternoon, after a meet, in his car, outside my house, before I went in.. he asked if I'd like to do something with him sometime. And I said sure! and after he drove away? I did a little dance of joy on my driveway.

And we went to the movies, and to a fast food place afterward. And it was great. And about a week or two later, he called me up and asked me to the prom. And I was elated again...

And prom was just lovely. I mean, as lovely as awkward teenage rituals can be. I found friends during the fast dances, and went back and found him for every slow dance. I don't remember all the details of the night, but I loved being there with him.

Awhile later, after graduation, possibly the following year, I came into some preseason football tickets. And since he was practically the only guy I knew who liked football at the time, I called him up. And we went. We got lost on the way, and he got frustrated, but we went. And had a great time, from what I remember.

And then I lost touch with him. I saw him briefly after college at a retail store where I was working, but nothing more.

Imagine my surprise when he found me on Facebook a few months ago. And was single.

Still breathing

I was informed by my dear big brother that I've been remiss at blogging as of late. I'm sure he's the only one that has noticed, but just in case he's not, I'd like to say that I'm still alive and kicking, and should have something to say soon.

Sometimes it's a matter of having too much to say and not knowing where to start. Maybe I'll start at the very beginning...a very good place to start.

Greatest of these is Love.

So I just started a study with some girls from my church on the Fruit of the Spirit. And we started with the first and foremost fruit of LOVE.
And I was struck when we were talking about how God is love, that God has to be so much more. HE has so many more characteristics other than love, doesn't He? His justice and power and His beauty--and yet, maybe it isn't our definition of God that is lacking.

Maybe it is our definition of LOVE. Maybe true love encompasses all that God is. And all the wonder and beauty and might and mystery and steadfastness that is the God we serve.

So if we allow God to love others through us? When we choose to say, I can't do this, but you can Lord. What amazing love will be ours.

Profound and not so profound

My brain has been on another planet for the last few days and I'm not sure why. Actually, I have my suspicions, but I will probably leave my speculations til another time...a time when things are clearer, and wonderings are more solid.

But until then, I feel like I should have something profound to say. Life goes on around me, and it occurs to me that I, a lover words, should have some deep observation to make, using eloquent turns of phrase.

And yet, oddly enough--I'm out of words.

Tell me why

Why is it that we so often look to what is missing in our lives? Why do only want what others have, instead of enjoying what God has given us?

I am abundantly blessed. I just moved into a new house. It's a very cute house, and I'm renting it with a sweet friend, for very little money. My landlord is my church, my commute is short. We have a front porch and brand new windows and appliances. We even have a yard and neighbors--and an attic.

My family is all healthy, and doing well. They're also closeby. My mom and I like to hang out. My dad is still safely trucking around the country. My brother and his wife just had another baby--another boy. I'm an aunt again.

I am employed. I work as the assistant of one of the funniest men I know, who cares about me and how I'm doing, not just how I do my job. I get to help proclaim God's love to dark corners of the world for a living.

And best of all, I know Jesus. I know He has taken all of my hurts and sins and paid the price for me. I know that I can spend eternity with Him.

Pretty great life, right? I need to see all He's done, instead of what I think I need. Because I'm so very often wrong.

Ancient Civilizations

So with all I have to do this week, there's no way I should have picked up a book to read. But I was sick last week, and started one--oh, but it was a good one...and it's so good--I just had to start the second one after I finished the first.

For anyone who has read Francine Rivers books, you know what I'm talking about. The Mark of the Lion series is about ten years old. But they are amazing. They're set around Rome in about 70 A.D. and they follow the forturnes and trials of one slave girl, the family she serves and a gladiator she befriends. The characters are so lifelike that you want to cry for them and scream at them sometimes, and of course know what happens next in their lives.

I also find myself learning from them. Hadassah is the name of the slave girl--and her quiet persistant faith and witness is incredible. She has this peace and joy that is evident to all who know her. It always makes me wonder what people see when they look at me.

The other interesting thing about these books, is their depiction of Rome and the moral decay one could find there. Since the story includes a gladiator, there's much talk of the games, and the bloodlust of the Roman mob. And as you read, you are disgusted that people could be so cruel--but the more you read about the society they live in, the more you see how they could have come to putting so low a price on human life.

But then as you read, you find their morals sound eerily familiar. The idea that there is no absolute truth, and you need only to look out for your own happiness, and those traditionalists are all wrong, and we should live for today and get all we want and...

So I'm not one to sililoquize over the moral decay in America today, but something resonantes with me when I read these stories. The once great, invincible Roman empire crumbled. Scattered to the four winds. It makes one think.

An Eye Condition

So I've suffered from an condition my whole life..and it has to do with where I look and what I see. I get so focused on my life and my problems that I feel overwhelmed, and depressed...or I get judgemental and snobbish... and neither one is healthy or helpful. I mean, just this week..I've been sick and tired and stressed and...

And then I hear from friends-- friends who have lost love ones tragically, women who have suffered multiple miscarriages, people who struggle with their health day after day after day...guys who've lost their jobs and can't find another.

I hear stories from afar of people who don't have enough to eat, who are dying because of not enough supplies or resources or food or shelter..I read blog entries online of people who are hurting so much that they think there is no hope in the world...

I see that I have been abundantly blessed. With family and friends, with shelter and food, with money enough in the bank and a job that I enjoy most days. And more than all that--I have been blessed to know that there IS hope in the world. And love and truth and beauty. And Someone who loves not only me--but all those who are hurting around me. And when I can comprehend that--really soak that in...

The only possible result is praise, and suddenly my eyes are clear again.